Trying all *22* flavors.
The moment February ends (and sometimes even before), it begins: the commercial celebration of Easter®. Traditionally, the holiday's imminence is marked by the appearance of egg-themed candies in the aisles of our pharmacies and supermarkets.
Most important among these treats are Russell Stover Easter eggs.
They are delicious, they are festive, and they are spunky. And, unless I haven't been paying super-close attention*, this year, they have gone completely bat-shit crazy. I saw more kinds of candy egg than I have ever seen in all my candy egg-seeking life.
At the Manhattan Duane Reade pharmacy I frequent, I counted twenty-two (22) different flavors of egg on the shelves. 23 if you count sugar-free, which I do not.
I volunteered to try every single one — spread across a week, to avoid death — so that you might be spared the worst of them, and only focus your seasonal candy attentions on the very best.
Here is every** Russell Stover Easter egg flavor, ranked.
*this is possible.
**besides sugar-free.
Strawberry Cream Egg
The inside of this one looks like the pink slurry you'd see on a nightly news segment about what your fast food hamburger is really made of. With that in mind, it tastes fine. I can't say I taste anything resembling strawberry. It tastes like the regular cream egg, but more cloying.
Red Velvet Egg
The inside of the red velvet egg one looks like some sort of clinical putty — something you’d keep in a jar in a laboratory, and you'd spoon it out and spackle together a model heart with it. I don’t know that I taste anything particularly identifiable as red velvet. It's fine.
Wedding Cake Egg
Without a traditional chocolate or another flavor to provide contrast/relief, the white chocolate shell on white "cake" interior heightens the sickly sweet nature of both. Additionally, this egg lacks visual interest. Inside and out it is the pale yellow tint of human bone.